Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Someone signed my nipple.
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