We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
