I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
