i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
