thus making me awesome and them whores
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
