the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
