he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
