Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
