I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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