loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
