I can tuck mytits in my pants
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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