I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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