I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
