I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
