I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
