Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
