at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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