East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
