Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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