You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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