youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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