Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
