I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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