you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
