yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
