i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
