Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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