like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
