i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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