I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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