if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
