Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
