mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
