Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
