I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
