PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
