This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
