I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
