New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
