just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
