that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
