Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
