i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
