fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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