I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
