About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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