you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
