I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
