i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
