i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
