just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
