Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
