I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
