I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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