I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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