whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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