Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
